So these blog posts lately, you may have noticed, are seriously lacking in textual components. This isn't because of lack of things to say - there are always things to say, even when life gets really really normal & boring in that delicious way that it sometimes does when you have an exciting 6 month old but not a very exciting social life. It's been more about the time it takes to say them. I love sharing with you. I want to say more. But lately I've been spending less time talking and more time watching.
Watching this little girl smile so hard she squishes her whole face up in that excited childlike way that reminds you of what it means to be happy with your whole body. Watching her marvel at Christmas tree lights and puppy dog fur, and watching her army crawl towards exactly what she wants with a determination that makes me both proud & terrified (because I know what that determination can do, and how it sometimes can be a bit dangerous.) I've watched her sleep when I should've been sleeping, watched her eat when I should've been typing an email with my other hand, and watched her grow with a quickness that is simultaneously exciting and heartbreaking.
I frequently feel as though I didn't truly understand the concept of time passing until I became a mother, and now it stays with me, an acute awareness of every passing second.
Sometimes I think I don't have a very good memory, but I am good at writing down how I'm feeling in the moment and this is where I do that - I just need to be more consistent with doing it. Because someday when Claire is 17 and I only have the faint memory of what the top of her head smelled like the week she was born, I'll be able to read it here and it will come back to me. I frequently think I'm too buried in my phone, too connected all the time, but for some things (the memories you want to save forever) the internet is just really awesome.